Would you like to get married again? June is a month for weddings; we have a good number of them happening this month here at Mary Queen. Would you like to get married again?
Some couples set a special anniversary date as the time to renew their marriage vows. That is not exactly what I have in mind as I write this, however. There are many people today who were never married in the church to begin with. Perhaps this is a good time for you to consider doing so. If you are reading this message, your Catholic faith obviously matters a great deal to you. Having your marriage blessed by the church would bring more peace and fullness into your life of faith.
There are many reasons why people may not have married in the church. Often, people fall in love and marry quickly, rushing off to city hall or to Las Vegas. Sometimes, it is because their partner was not Catholic and they did not want to "push" the Catholic Church on them. Sometimes, it is because the couple was young, or there was a pregnancy involved, or priorities were different at a different time in life. Sometimes, it is because there was a previous marriage and people thought - rightly or wrongly - that they were barred by church law from marrying again in the church.
If any of these circumstances apply to you or people you know, I would like to try to set the record straight on a few things.
First of all, and without question, the Catholic Church upholds the sanctity of marriage. Many churches of other denominations bless marriages in church but not all of them consider marriage in the same way we do. For Catholics, marriage is a sacrament instituted by God. Its purpose is both for the procreation of children and for the mutual enjoyment of a couple joined together in a life-long, loving bond of matrimony. Marriage for us is a model of Trinitarian love. Just as our God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - exists in a relationship that produces an outpouring of love, so it is in our Catholic understanding of marriage. There is grace in the sacrament for the couple, help to sustain them through the trials and tribulations that will inevitably come. The couple themselves, joined together with God as a part of their relationship, also become a sacrament for us - a sign of God's abiding, faithful love.
If you were married outside of the church, perhaps it is the time now to have your marriage blessed. If neither you or your spouse was ever married before, the process is not complicated for you to become married in the church. If your spouse is not Catholic, that is all right. He or she does not have to become Catholic in order for your marriage to be blessed by the Catholic Church.
Perhaps one of you or both of you was married before and you do not think you can get married in the church again. That depends.
While the church absolutely defends the sanctity of marriage, in its wisdom, the church also recognizes that marriages fail. Sometimes, couples must live apart. Sometimes, especially if there is any kind of abuse, it may be necessary to divorce. The church seeks to provide pastoral care to all those who are in need, including those who have suffered the pain of divorce. If your first marriage was not recognized by the Catholic Church, the process to later enter into Catholic marriage is generally simple. If your first marriage was in the Catholic Church, however, civil divorce alone does not end our understanding of the sacramental bond. That is why people who were once married in the church and have remarried without benefit of annulment do not receive communion. In the eyes of the church, they are still bound by their first marriage vows.
Perhaps they should not be so bound.
The church has grown in its understanding of human nature, especially with contributions of modern science in the fields of medicine and psychology. Today, the church recognizes that there are some marriages in which a binding sacramental union was never possible. There are varied reasons for this. Sometimes it was because of outside or internal pressure to "do the right thing." Consent which is pressured is not valid. Sometimes it could be because of something psychological that made it impossible for the two people in this particular relationship to have a binding sacramental union. Force, fear, intoxication, dishonesty, or certain physical or psychological disorders at the time of marriage - all of these could possibly be invalidating factors. There are many more complex reasons that the church could find a marriage to be invalid.
The process for investigating the validity of a marriage celebrated in the Catholic Church is called the annulment process. It is a serious process, one which, in this diocese, takes 12 - 18 months to complete. I have assisted many couples in this process over the years. Without exception, people have ultimately found the annulment process very helpful in their own continued healing after a divorce. When an annulment is granted, the person then becomes free to marry again in the Catholic Church.
This is a kind of shorthand picture but if you are in a marriage not recognized by the Catholic Church, perhaps during this month of June weddings, you could think about getting married again. Perhaps this will mean having your first marriage blessed, something which could be a very simple thing to do. Perhaps it will mean considering applying for an annulment of a previous marriage so that your current marriage can be celebrated in the church. I can help you, and there are other couples in the parish who have gone through this process who can also be sources of support to you. If you are divorced, even if you are not involved in another relationship now, please consider applying for an annulment. There will be definite benefits for you in the process. There are some common fallacies about annulments that I would like to dispel. They do not "cost a lot of money." Suggested fees are modest and only help to cover real costs involved. Also, an annulment in the Catholic Church is a religious judgment, not a civil one. The church recognizes that a civil marriage occurred and any children born to that marriage are certainly considered legitimate, even when an annulment is granted.
Inevitably, there are people who are critical of those who divorce or of those who receive an annulment of a previous marriage. Some people can be very unkind and act towards others as if they were failures, or "cheaters" because they obtained annulments. Worse yet, they may criticize the church as being too "easy" on people in granting annulments. There could not be anything more unChristian and frankly, sometimes these are people who respond out of their own bitterness. Today, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce and the rate among Catholics is the same. We certainly need to do all we can to strengthen marriages. We also need to do a great deal more to prepare people for what Catholic understanding of marriage really is. Men and women who enter religious communities must often be in preparation for seven years before taking final vows. The church is learning more and more about what needs to be invested in terms of marriage preparation in the church. Rather than looking upon individuals as having failed, sometimes it is the church who has failed them. Those who are divorced have sometimes acted with great courage. Always, they have suffered and they deserve our love and support.
Please contact me if I can be of assistance to you in having your marriage recognized by the church, or in applying for an annulment as a first step. May God bless you all and especially our fathers on this Father's Day.
Mary M. Foley, Pastoral Life Coordinator
Are you widowed? Do you know someone who is widowed? If you have been recently widowed and are still struggling with the loss, or if you have been widowed for some time and need something to get you "over the hump" because you seem stuck in one spot, this program is designed to help you move on with your life while treasuring your past and its precious memories. The Joyful Again! retreat is for both men and women (all ages) who have been widowed and are still trying to find hope and joy in their lives. All are invited. When: July 29 & 30 Where: Mary Queen of Heaven Parish, Elmhurst Donation: $75 includes meals (Adjusted if needed) Register by calling 708-354-7211 Free Ministry to Traveling Catholics For nationwide Mass times and locations, phone 1-800-Mass Times (1-800-627-7846) Or Internet www.Masstimes.org First Meeting for Our 50th Anniversary Auction / Dinner Dance Wednesday, June 21, 7:30 p.m. in the School Social Hall The Anniversary Auction/Dinner Dance is scheduled for Friday, November 3,. and much help will be needed. Anyone interested in helping with this event, please call Sheila Reiter at 833-6657. Marriage Ministry Celebrating 50 Years of Marriage We will be celebrating with couples who have been married 50+ years at the 5 p.m. Mass on Saturday, June 24. All are invited to come to Barrett Hall after Mass to continue the celebration with cake, coffee and champagne. Please join us in congratulating these couples. Parish News 50th Anniversary Committee Update We are looking for as many volunteers as possible to help in many areas. Anyone interested in helping with the "Homecoming Weekend" (Dinner/Picnic) on September 16 & 17, or the Auction/Dinner Dance, please contact Sheila Reiter at 833-6657. Last call for Recipes for our 50th Anniversary Cookbook. Please take some time to go through your recipe files or books and submit some of those special items for our 50th Anniversary Cookbook. The Deadline for submitting your Recipes is Sunday, June 25. For information or questions please call Mary Nanak (530-4502) or Ellen Walker (279-4021). Paddle Wheel Riverboat Rides : Mark your calendars now! The 50th Anniversary Committee is sponsoring Paddle Wheel Riverboat Rides on the Fox River the weekend of July 15/16. The first ride will take place on Saturday, July 15, from 6-8 p.m., and will be for adults only. The second ride will take place on Sunday, July 16, from 4-6 p.m. and will be for adults and children. The cruises will leave from Pottawatomie Park and last for two hours. During the cruise you will be served a buffet luncheon or dinner which will include Southern Pan-fried Chicken, Potato Salad, Hot Baked Beans, Cole Slaw, Rolls & Butter, Pickles & Olives, Cake & Ice Cream and Coffee or Lemonade. Aside from the beautiful scenery, music will be provided during the cruise. Parking is available for those taking the cruise. Parking is available for those taking the cruise. Tickets will be available for purchase the weekend of June 25. Adult Tickets: $30 per person; Seniors & Children's Tickets: $25 per person. (Children ages 2 and under are free). Each boat will accommodate 100 people so the sooner you purchase a ticket, the better! Introduction to the Bible Week 5 - The Word of God in Human Words This week our study explains how the words of the bible are both God's communication to us and the words of human beings. God's Spirit inspired the written word and guarantees for us that the bible speaks God's word of truth. A discussion of literary forms in the bible helps us to understand how God's truth is communicated in various forms so that we can guard against the dangers of a fundamentalist understanding of the bible. Religious Education Catechists are needed for next fall. At this time we are in need of Gr. 2 & 3 catechists at Session One. At Session Two, we have positions open at Grade 1, 3, and 5. And in the last session, we need help in Grade 6. The time slots are 3:15 - 4:30, 5:15 - 6:30, and 7:15 - 8:30 p.m., respectively. If you love children and you love your faith, we invite you to join our staff. We will help you with the rest. Our Religious Ed Program is one of the best in the area, which is reflected in our continually growing enrollment. But we cannot do it without you. Please call for more information to see how you can help. FYI: Just so you are aware, we are in the RE office during the summer. If you need to contact us for any reason, please feel free to call and leave a message. If you have any questions or need more information, please call Mary Ann Woods at the REO, 832-8962. Christian Service Commission Effective Choices, Effective Parenting Building Effective Relationships With Our Children For Parents of Children Ages 0-19 Tuesday, June 20, 7-9 p.m.. This workshop helps parents build on their existing strengths in order to win greater cooperation with their children. Topics discussed include: increasing mutual respect, positive communication and trust in the parent/child relationship; understanding how parent's behavior affects child's response; developing disciplinary techniques that work; providing children with the tools they need to survive and thrive in today's society. Building Effective Relationships With Our Teens For Parents of Children Ages 13-19 Tuesday, June 27, 7-9 p.m.. This two-hour workshop teaches participants practical, usable skills and insights on how to parent effectively during the challenging teen years. All workshops held at Catholic Charities, in Lombard. $20 per person; $25 per couple. Pre-registration required. Instructor: James Gilligan, MSW, LSW For more information, please call-630-710-8226 or e-mail effectiveparenting@sbcglobal.net Our journey through life is seldom a straight path. Our personal choices or decisions that others make for us can impact our lives including our spiritual lives. * Are you, or do you know of someone who was baptized in the Catholic faith, but for various reasons never completed their sacramental preparation by receiving Eucharist and Confirmation? * Perhaps your family moved frequently or you never connected to a parish family in your younger years and were not part of a Religious Education program. * Have you been attending Mass with your Catholic spouse, and have an interest in learning more about the Catholic faith? * Do you know someone who is interested in becoming Catholic or someone who has never been baptized? If you can relate to these situations, consider completing your sacramental preparation by looking into the RCIA! Contact Mimi Wolak @ 941-3851 or e-mail her at mimiotvision@hotmail.com to learn more about how you can enrich your spiritual life through full participation in the life of the church through the sacraments. Back to School Fair Imagine being a child who goes to school on the first day of class with no supplies (no paper, no pencils and no crayons). Imagine being a child that has had to leave school because you didn't complete your immunizations or school physical. Some children today don't have to imagine it, they live it. That's why Catholic Charities has coordinated the Back to School Fair in DuPage County for the past fourteen years. The Back to School Fair will be held on August 9th at the DuPage County Fairgrounds from 11:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. This free event is open to any DuPage family who lives near or below the poverty level. Several thousand children and their families will receive wide variety of health and human services. Some of the medical services offered include free school physicals, dental and vision screenings and immunizations. Catholic Charities will also give each school-age child a $10 certificate for the exclusive purchase of school supplies. Please consider donating to the Back to School Fair. Your donation will allow Catholic Charities to purchase these school supply gift certificates for distribution at the Fair. Donations may be mailed to Catholic Charities, Back to School Fair, 26 W. St. Charles Road, Lombard, IL 60148. The Society of St. Vincent dePaul Sends our sincere appreciation to the Community of Mary Queen of Heaven Church for the donations received from the Clothing Drive. Thank you for Helping us to Help People. Prayer Requests To pray for our sick is an important privilege of our parish family. We hope that you will pray for these persons every day, alone or as a family. Natalie Baker Pam Bondfide Heather Brennan Kathy Brennan Kathleen Bryers Doresa Brugler Pat Caffarelli Rose Caffarelli KathyCalzante Cosmore Ciancio Dennis Ciancio Paul Cirone Cynthia Catalano Family Margaret Conroy Ida Corriedo Trudi Dolato Baby Dobrowolski Virginia Feret Modesta Goggins Mary Hagerty Anna Heffel Jen Huwalt Tom Huwalt Pat Holmes Michelle Humann Maureen James Tom Janicke Kathy Johnston Irene Kmieciak Bernadette Kohn Tim Kowalsk Baby Emma Lynde Robert Manion Raymond Mitchell Bobbi Nannini Phyllis O'Donnell Geri Pstrzoch Baby Faith Reid Joaquina Scroppo Jess Smith Karen Sutkus Ted Vecchio Cathy Ward If you or a family member would like to be included in our prayers, please call the rectory at 279-5700. Also, please let us know when a name should be removed. Rest In Peace Sam Catalano and Debra Christopher Project Gabriel Respect Life News We will be starting a new ministry here in the Fall. Churches and pregnancy centers like Woman's Choice Services have sought ways to expand their embrace of women in crisis pregnancies. Now comes a way they can do so together - a way to combine the special power of prayer with a commitment to service: Project Gabriel! Regional Orientation/Training for Gabriel Angels is scheduled for Thursday, June 22, 6:30 - 9:30 p.m., at Visitation Parish. Please contact Woman's Choice Services at 630-261-9564 for more information or to register for the training. There will be another opportunity in the Fall for a training session, and we hope to have it here at MQH. Terri Kevil is currently working on Project Gabriel and is excited to be in charge of this project. Please spread the word to anyone you think might be interested. It is a training to be part of a 3 or more person Angel Team (with the backing of the Parish and the Woman's Choice Services) that will walk with a young expectant mother, giving her emotional, spiritual, and material assistance throughout her pregnancy and childbirth. If you think you might want to get involved in the Fall, you must also have Protecting God's Children training. If you have any questions about Project Gabriel please contact Terri Kevil (630) 279-4165. A Vocation View Through the ministry of our ordained priests, we receive Holy Communion. Through the Body and Blood of Christ, we are made one body: to become Christ-like ... purified ... ready to serve. Pray for Vocations. Lewis University Summer Classes Registration for summer 2006 courses continues at Lewis University. A Catholic university sponsored by the De La Salle Christian Brothers, Lewis offers courses on its main campus on Route 53 in Romeoville and several satellite campus locations. A number of summer courses are also available on line. For more information, call 815-838-5250 Anniversary Mass for Couples Married 50 Years: The Diocese of Joliet will hold its twenty-eighth annual Wedding Anniversary Mass on Sunday, August 20, at 3:00 p.m. at the cathedral of St. Raymond in Joliet. If you were married in 1956 and are celebrating you 50th anniversary this year, please contact the rectory so that we may submit your name to the Diocese for a formal invitation.